I don't know why, but I'm re-thinking about my life today.
Just a couple of minutes ago, I was reading fanfictions on AFF (as usual) and it strikes me.
Actually, it doesn't blow me suddenly, but really, this crave to re-thinking about my life had really built up since I encounter some problems in my life.
The first one was when one of my junior in church said that she got pregnant from her different-belief-boyfriend and that she wants to get rid of the baby. It was a long journey and it drains all of my attention and passion to ask God to help.
The second one, is, while I'm having the above problem, my family decided to build a new house beside our old house. It is done by my parents selling our old house to my uncle. I was quite (?) excited at first, considering they agreed that we will get our own rooms each (because all of this time, I'm sharing room with my younger sister, and she's a mess) and we should buy our own things. The house is done now, but not all the things from the old house is transfer to here.
The ones that upsets me the most is how my mother and sister is keep denying that they have too much clothes and stuff. Plus, my father denies my brother from having a soundproof room, which I think is necessary because he can't sleep with all of the noise coming from the outside. Not to mention, he was having a lot stress recently because his
department was under investigation for corruption. It's over now, but I
think the pressure is still on his mind. He even cried 2 days ago because Dad still won't approve.
And then, there's me. Trying to give contribution to one of the church program without thinking about the capability of me holding back. Plus, I want to buy a new phone and a new number, considering the old number are expensive.
And then there's her. Yes, my nice (and most of the time) good side of me, who constantly reminds me about my dreams, my life, my friends. She can be a BITCH sometimes and driving me crazy. But she loves me. Because she's me. Hahaha...
The thing is, I know where all the anger comes out. It's the fact that I don't like life. It's troublesome. You have to think about other people's feelings, yet still have to manage to get your own will to happen. You have to build your own reputation and keep your life maintain. In the process, you should pursue your dreams while handling some responsibilities. In while, you should be able to enjoy it the furthest by laughing and be thankful of the friends and family you got.
Yes, I definitely need to think about my life again. What my purpose in this life, what I want to achieve, who I want to be, and stuff. Because I'm already too bored living like this, and it's troublesome, and it's annoying, and it's killing me inside. Yeah.